As I mentioned in this post, my books are a blend of zuckerisms, short stories, personal anecdotes and inventions. Today I wanted to share another of those inventions with you. Introducing, The Florida Special:
The Florida Special (TM)
To most seniors, loss of the right to drive a car is equivalent to losing a leg. The automobile defines Independence in our society and in Florida wheels are even more critical to mobility because of distance. So, we invented the Florida SpecialTM to safely prolong the driving life of seniors by 5 to 10 years! By wedding available life-science technologies to the automobile, the resulting Florida Special represents a dramatic change in approach.
Rather than drivers licensing boards, social workers and doctors all trying to find out reasons to limit driving by the elderly, the Florida Special is making positive strides to keep them on the road! The Florida Special will prove to be the hottest, must-have product for senior drivers since bifocals! In addition, their spouses and children will breathe a sigh of relief, for not only will it vastly prolong independent living for aging Americans, but it will also prevent the fatal depression that happens to nearly every elderly person when they lose their drivers license.
List of Features…
- Adjustable Prism Windshield—bends & magnifies light for shorties and the poor sighted
- Crash Recorder (black box)—a voice & instrument recorder for research on elderly drivers and their insurance claims
- 911 box with nitroglycerin pills included
- Wrap around air bumper
- One-inch thick steel chassis
- Arrhythmia Recorder and Defibrillator
- “Alter Kakher!” (old timer!) Warning on the license plate—like the “Babies On Board” concept
- The Backseat Driver Overhead Amplifier (nagging included):
- Magnifies street sounds, horns, sirens, etc.
- Reminds the driver every fifteen minutes where
he is suppose to go and why.
- Critical Information Plate on the car’s fender to include:
- Name and address
- Hospital and doctor’s name
- Medical conditions
- Code status (DNR/DNI)
- Autopsy or not, living will, donor status
- HMO and car insurance companies
- Lawyers name; last will file date
- Additional accessories available for customization